philosophical pants

Do people even use the phrase wear the pants anymore?  Like, “she really wears the pants in that relationship.”  I’d like to think that for most relationships these days both parties figuratively share the duties of wearing the pants.  I mean, jeez, it is exhausting making decisions all the time.  Isn’t that one of the bonuses of a long term relationship - that you take turns making decisions (and taking turns wearing pants?)?

And it has come to my attention that I own many pants.  And a large subset of these are gray pants.  The last count is about 6 pairs.  They are like my version of the black shoe phenomenon that many women have where each black shoe is needed for a different situation or outfit; From the outside, it just looks like the woman has way too many black shoes.  But she knows what she is doing. 

[a sample of my pants in their natural environment]

And if one adds “pants” to the end of most words, it makes it better.  Banjopants, squirrelpants, funpants, underpants.  My personal favorite is crazypants. 
 

And, have you ever thought about the plural sense of the words pants?  You can own one pair of pants or you could own 23 pairs of pants.  The word is impervious to changes in volume. Though I guess if you were one-legged, you could modify a pair of pants to be a pant.  But then, one could wonder what the difference is between a  pant and a skirt.  They would essentially be the same thing.